My Current Situation

Sick. Feel yucky. Goodbye to January's "Lively" experience; chopsticks. Hello to February's "Lively" experience; Hula Hooping. Yikes!

Two More Days

Two more days and my 1st "Lively" Experience will be completed!!!

Note to Self: Sorry

Above is a visual on how I feel a majority of the time. Defeated, sad, angry, lazy, silly, bored, confused.....etc. A few years ago I lost my mojo, fell into a bottomless pit of self pity, catered to self doubt and have not be able to get back to my kicking ass self. I know what I need to do to feel better but don't do any of it. I decided for umpteenth time, this year it would be different. Yet here it is twenty-six days into 2014, 3rd time trying to blog and I'm still doing the same shit everyday. There are moments I think I can do this (whatever that may be) and then I don't. Which brings alive all the horrible feelings. No one or any amount of  medicine, therapy, talking, crying, planning, wishing, blogging is going to change anything. I'm the cure. I'm the only one who can make myself feel better and make my goals a reality. I'm sorry I've wasted so much time moping around. I'm also sorry that years, yes fucking years later I'm still talking about this shit.  I would love to say tomorrow will be different but with me, history has a way of repeating itself. Like the good ole Nike slogan "Just Do It." It really is that simple. 

I don't want this blog to be about my inconsistencies. So it's time to put an end to this pity party. Later!!

Fucking Forgot

Went to dinner on Friday and forgot to use chopsticks. I saw them in the kitchen earlier in the day and thought to put them in my purse, but I forgot. At no time during dinner did I think about them. Neither did my husband. I realized I fucked up when I got home and was changing into my pj's. I was really bummed out. 23 days is the longest that I have stuck with anything. Then today I was suppose to get back to the chopsticks and once again during dinner I forgot. I was a little pissed off at my husband and become distracted. Can't fucking believe it. I could see the finish line and I fucked it up. Not a good finish. Well there isn't anything I can do about it. Tomorrow is another day to get it right.   

Whew, Chopstick Week 3 Completed

Chopstick Experience Week 3 is behind me. Yay, bitches. Did not think I would come this far. Glad that I didn’t quit. It has been fun seeing the progression. I read about the history of chopsticks. Not as exciting of a story. 8 days left and this experience will be completed. I’m looking forward to next month’s experience, even though I have not decided on one. Will buckle down this weekend and decide. 

I love to sleep, no really. I love to sleep.

For me a good night sleep consists of 14 to 18 hours of sleep.  A nap is 3-6 hours. That’s phucking insane. Sleeping has been my companion since I was born. My mom told me as a baby I loved to sleep. While in school, I would come home, go to sleep for a few hours.  Then wake up, do my homework, shower, eat dinner and go back to sleep. Then I entered the working world and began to suffer from cubicle coma. After work I would almost always take a nap.  If sleep could be hereditary then I inherited. My sisters and nieces are also sleepers. Truth is I love to sleep. I love my bed, pillow, sheets and comforter. Shit the thought of it alone makes me sleepy.  When I tell people how long I sleep, they often say "you're sleeping your life away".  Last time I checked it was my life & there are worst things I can be doing. Why does society make us feel guilty about sleeping too much? If you sleep to much its bad. If your constantly busy it's also bad. There's no winning. I will not be ashamed to shout that I LOVE TO SLEEP. My house is clean, my refrigerator is stocked, my pets are well taken care of and my bills are paid. I live a drama free life and love being a homebody. So what I sleep a lot. 

Now with all that being said I hate to admit that I do need to sleep a tad bit less. There are some goals I want to make a reality and sleeping less will help. I will attempt to sleep less. Not looking forward to it, but it's necessary to achieve my goals. Now off I go as the sleep fairy is calling me. 

I'm Procrastination's Bitch; Week 2

Once again I procrastinated and waited until the last day to blog and edit video.  The post should have been up on Wednesday, today is Friday. On Wednesday I got sick and on Thursday I was recuperating. So here I am after midnight drudging along. Enough of that, lets move on.

This week three of my meals did not require chopsticks. Not planned, it just happened that way. I've been a bit frustrated.  I love corn and its hard to pick up corn with chopsticks. My ring finger has an indent where the the chopstick sits. I still grasp them too tight. On the bright side, I'm eating less. I feel fuller faster since it takes me so long to eat.  I got 14 more days until my dear friend the fork returns home. Until then one day at a time.

Marc Anthony, Oops nope. Week 1.

 

I’m supposed to be blogging but I’m listening to Marc Anthony.  I love his music and voice.  Procrastination is part of my character.  Just like I should have not procrastinated familiarizing myself with Movie Maker. I waited until yesterday the 7^th day of my Chopstick experience to start fooling around with it.  Of course I ran into hiccups and needed to finish it today.  Which I did. Now I should be working on the blog that accompanies the video, but like I said before I’m listening to Marc Anthony.  Swoon.  “Concentrate, you can do both”.  I tell myself as I dance in my seat and sing aloud to my doggies.

Two days out of the week I did not need to use chop sticks. I watched a few YouTube videos.  They were all the same. My husband showed me how to hold the chopsticks and I was on my way. Frustrating at times but not as scary as I thought. I hold them too tight and my ring finger ends up in pain. Need to relax my grip. Also I need to stop correcting my hold by touching the part of the chop sticks that touched the food.  My left had ends up filthy. I was hoping for more of a challenge.  As in the past I want to quit because it’s kind of boring.  But I will not.  As that is the whole point of my “Lively” experiences and this blog. So let’s forge on. 


P.S. Excuse the shitty editing.  Hopefully the more videos I make, the better they will become.  Fingers crossed.

My January Lively Experience

Growing up watching Kung Fu movies on Saturday morning, I was always mesmerized when the characters ate with chopsticks. I thought it was cool and I wanted to learn.  As a teenager I met two sisters who ate their Chinese food with chopsticks. I immediately told them that I always wanted to learn. They tried to teach me. I failed. Fast forward a decade and I discover that my husband also knows how to eat with chopsticks. He also tried to teach me. I failed again. My reason for failing is because for me quitting is easy. If I don’t like something or don’t feel like putting in the effort, I quit. But the nagging feeling of wanting to learn doesn’t go away. Which brings me to my January Experience as you can tell by now will be eating with chopsticks.  For the entire month of January I will eat all meals that require forks with chopsticks. I’m not looking to have a life changing experience, just looking conquer my failures. Get that nagging witch off my back. Until she starts to chime in to remind me of another failed experience.  I hope at the end of the 31 days I will have mastered the art of eating with chopsticks. Then on the 32^nd day return to my friend the fork.

I’m aiming for weekly updates.  I may update more often, still not sure. Since today is Wednesday by default this will be my blogging day.  Until next week, wish me luck.

 

Not a New Years Resolution; or is it?

My New Year resolutions were always the same; lose weight, save money, start a business, pay off debt, buy a house.  I never accomplished any of them because they all sucked. They were boring. But then I would feel bad that I didn't accomplish any of the resolutions. And since I don’t like feeling bad and not a fan of boredom, I decided many years ago that New Year resolutions can fuck off. It felt great. I don’t have to wait for some specific date on a manmade calendar to start anything. However this year I want to try something new. Something fun, new and exciting.

I live in another state from my family and only hang out with one girl in the state I live in. I’m very particular about who I let into my life. I don’t like drama and bullshit; therefore my family is big enough that they’re the only friends I need. Living away from family and not having much of a social life has caused me to fall into a funk. Besides work, my husband and myself, love staying home, sleeping, mindlessly surfing the internet, staying in pajamas, eating whatever we want, watching TV. Day after day, after day, after day.  It has now amounted to years. Yes I do force myself to go out, I dress up, we travel and go home to NYC. But it’s not enough. I don’t regret all the hours I’ve spent relaxing and am not looking to remove it from my life. I’m just looking to try some of the things that have been on my live list for far too long. It will not be easy, as I’m scared to leave my comfort zone.  I don’t know the exact moment the fear of change happened but it’s time to get out of this funk. And that requires getting out of my comfort zone.  I would like to become more social and allow myself new experiences.  My Master Plan for The Evolution of Betsy Hearts is as follows:

1. Complete one“Lively” experience per month.

2. Stop keeping list of places to visit & actually visit.

3. Fit into a size 12.

4. Blog and Video my efforts.

I haven’t planned out anything. Which is something I normally would do and it would drive me mad. I don’t want to be driven mad and take the fun out of it before I even start.  Therefore I will take it one day at a time. I don’t know what will happen but here goes nothing. I will document all my efforts on this blog, YouTube and Instagram. In a few hours I will reveal the January “Lively” Experience.  Goodbye Tuesday 2013, Hello Wednesday 2014.